Samantha, 14, 950328.
» Saturday, December 22, 2007
and i said:
okay. i shall post about today @ the airport tomorrow.
now having a bigbig headache for no reason ==
im thinking too much perhaps.
my head feels like its gna explode any time. and all the brain juices will be oozing out.
maybe my brain's rotting. positively or negatively.
positively, i have been thinking too much. so my brain will rot.
negatively, i havent been using my brain a lot. so it'll rot.
gahh. now im regretting what i did when i was p5.
when he came to our class. when i told nicholas my secret.
when he spreaded it to the whole class.
i should have kept it to myself.
or at least told someone who could keep secrets well.
and thats me. i keep secrets really well. okay you might be cursing me when you're reading this cause im hao lian-ing, whatever you say.
i dont care now. cause now im blogging. and you choose to read my post.
dont like it, just close the window or go to other websites.
if you choose not to believe that i can keep secrets well, i cant do anything.
but i can tell you. i kept alina's secret, jerome's secrets, nicholas's, and alot of other people's secrets.
but most of them are revealed. not cause of me but cause other people who know the secrets accidentally just open their mouth and the secret is revealed.
a great big example is nicholas chang. be priviledged that your name is actually here okay, mr chang.
p5. he joined our class. how i hated him. we often argued with each other, but i found him cute, his eyes were just so beautiful, as if they could speak. our arguments often didnt last long, somehow we just stopped arguing and peace.
then one day i realised i actually had a crush on him.
and i actually told nicholas my secret that time and he actually promised to not tell anyone about it.
but his words cant be trusted, not even 1hr passed and he told another person about my secret.
and the worst thing is he told THE PERSON about my secret. gawd. ==
now i really regret it lar. and i still remember last time, p5 that time, what happened during recess in the canteen.
hid in the toilet, no use. ran away, no use.
i was overpowered by everyone and practically everyone was crowding around. and that included other levels' prefects, blah.
embarrassing. super embarrassing.
had no choice but to actually reject him. but that came from the bottom of my heart,seriously. there wasnt any reason why i rejected him, i dno why.
i was super lucky that none of the teachers saw it, but it was soon known among the teachers.
rumours spreaded. there was no way i could stop them, no matter how hard i tried to deny it.
this scene is so clear in my mind, i just cant seem to erase it.
many memories of us having fun together were printed in my mind.
of course, love is never easy. times, my heart felt like it was smashed into pieces. how i hated myself. how i hated HIM..
i still remember the trip to the zoo this year.
my heart was once again smashed, i dno why either.
it was just a dream, it'll never happen.
it was nothing to be sad about, but it was natural.
my heart felt like a sharp knife pierced through it.
i didnt know why i emo-ed about it either.
on the bus,a while after we got down the bus, while waiting for i dno what the tchers were doing, while the people around me were playing heart attack, i emo-ed.
the weather wasnt cold, but i was shivering.
while playing heart attack even the people said my hand was freezing.
i put on a fake smile that didnt come from my heart. i just didnt want other people to worry.
in the zoo, apart from the group activities, he cheered me up.
things he did, words he said warmed my heart.
in my eyes, he shone.
just walking beside him or just sitting beside him makes me happy.
all these memories can be written into a book.
i miss him.
now im trying very hard to forget him.
im succeeding halfway but these memories suddenly come into my mind.
and it makes it all harder for me to forget him.
maybe i should put him into the past, and get on with life.
but if i ever see him again, i know the feeling will still be there.
okay get your facts right. i aint emoing okay.
just jotting down some unimportant 'notes'..
yeah. so theres no need to come and "cheer me up" or whatsoever things yeah. cause im not sad.
im just having a headache.
i better be going, bye!